Mark Tarsi
My former coworker at Daymon, Mark Tarsi, died this past Monday, November 8th, of a heart attack. He left behind a wife and four children, not to mention a massive extended family and many, many friends. I'm not one who is prone to pontification on life and death anymore. I used to be, but not anymore. However, Mark's death is really bothering me, so I'll attempt to use my little digital soap box here to express some random thoughts in no particular order or structure...at least I'll get them out.Impact
I resigned from Daymon Worldwide in early October and my last day there was October 22nd. Mark was just approaching his one-year anniversary working at Daymon. He had come to our department after a long and successful run at Cadbury Schweppes. In the short time that he was in the Daymon Information Systems Department he made an incredible impact on how it operated. He changed how just about every process in the department worked for the better.
On the morning I resigned I walked into Mark's office to hand him something and whispered to him that I had resigned. He told me to close the door and wanted to know the story. I told him where I was going and why and that it would be a very different role than that which I was playing at Daymon. He congratulated me and said that he was sorry to see me go, but was happy that I was making a move that was good for my career.
He then gave me a piece of advice that I won't soon forget. He told me to be sure to "make an impact" at the new place early on. I smiled when he said that because he didn't have to explain what he meant much beyond that. He had already done exactly that at Daymon in the few short months he was there. I'm trying my damnedest to follow that example.
As I listened to priests and family members eulogize Mark at his funeral today I began to understand that this theme of leading by example was not just isolated to his work environment but also applied to the rest of his life. He lead by example, but never in a cruel, overbearing or demanding way. Mark was a senior member of the IS Department, but he made everyone on his team - from the bottom of the org chart up - feel like he was their friend as much as, if not more than their superior.
Judging by the turnout for his wake and funeral, Mark made a huge impact in everything he did.
Provider
I realized something interesting while standing in the massive line to get into the funeral home for Mark's wake. While Mark was no doubt an excellent provider for his family, he's also provided them with something that I'd never even considered before. His family now has a LEGION of people who would do ANYTHING for them. They don't even know a lot of us, but because Mark was able to touch so many lives and shared with all of us how much his family meant to him, they will never go wanting for anything so long as we are all around.
Tragedy
I'm a person who does not grieve for the dead, but for the living who are left behind. I don't subscribe to any formal religion, and I believe that when you are dead, you are dead. Perhaps your "soul" goes back to being part of the greater universe and is no longer concentrated as "a person," but the point is when you're gone, you're gone. It's the people who will miss the deceased that I feel truly bad for. I'm truly sad that I'll never again get to hang out with Mark. He was not only a good mentor, but a lot of fun...and very easy to make laugh. When you are a clown like me, it's these easy targets that make even bad days fun. If I feel this way about a guy that I worked with, I can't begin to fathom what his family is going through.
I've often heard the term "closure" used in reference to families whose loved ones have died in a plane crash or something. They always want to recover the bodies so the families can have "closure." I never understood this at all. If you know your family member is dead, move on. Why do you need a body? However, Mark is teaching me that it's not that simple.
Maybe it's because I left Daymon a week or so before Mark died and I just have it in my head that I haven't seen him because I don't work there anymore, not because he's dead. Whatever my problem is; I JUST CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE HE'S GONE.
I had really hoped that the wake would give me some feeling of closure - seeing him in the casket, and meeting his family - but I guess it didn't. All the other funerals I've been to of late have been for very old people whose time was up. It's sick to say this, but they looked appropriate in their caskets. Mark was only 47 years old. I really expected him to pop up in the casket and say "JUST KIDDING!" It was all so surreal. Maybe it's because it was so unexpected. Maybe it's because he was so young. Maybe it's because he left behind so many people who loved and needed him. Whatever it is, the fact that he's dead is just so goddamn wrong that I don't think I can get my feeble brain around it.
Oh yeah, and toasting Mark with a few shots of Jameson with my former Daymon coworkers didn't help either...in fact that was probably counter productive.
Humor
In one of our last email exchanges before I left Daymon Mark asked me to search the web for someone's email address. I replied and told him I couldn't find it and he would have to call the person. He replied back with a wise-ass comment about how he "thought I was resourceful" but that he would find the address online himself. I replied and called him a "butt-monkey" and reminded him that I had truly looked everywhere online and couldn't find it.
Now, had this been the average senior manager he might not have taken so kindly to that. However, a few minutes later, instead of an email reply back, Tarsi was standing in my cubicle doubled over and teary-eyed with laughter repeating the phrase "butt-monkey." He thought it was just hilarious! I'm so damn happy that I made him laugh that hard on what, I didn't know at the time, would be the last day I would ever see him.
Voices In My Head
My memories of Mark are so fresh. I can still see him walking around the office, talking on the phone, fidgeting and shifting positions a hundred times during a long annoying meeting. Strangely enough, part of me wants to be mad at him for having the nerve to die on us. But then I think; if he had known that the time was near, how incredibly sad he would be and just how much he wouldn't want to leave. Man he loved those kids. He was so damn proud of them.
One of the first things that I remembered when I heard that he had died was the time he was showing me his "Quit Smoking Spreadsheet" which contained his "methodology" for kicking the habit. The sheet contained a tab labeled "Inspiration" which was a picture of his wife and all the kids huddled on a couch.
I don't know why I did this to myself, but I actually called his work voicemail on Monday afternoon after I had heard the news, just to be sure to remember what his voice sounded like.
Since I can't seem to get my head around the fact that he's really gone, I've decided that I'll just let him live forever in my head. That sounds kind of strange, I know, but if you knew him you'd know that he won't be pushed out easily. His energy, humor, leadership, passion, and temperament will be stuck in my head for a long time, and hopefully some of it will rub off and have some effect on my actions each day on this planet.
We miss you Mark.
------------------------------------
Tarsi Children's Education Fund
Fleet Bank
P.O. Box 8098
New Farifield, CT 06812
Hi, I'm Josh Katinger and this is my personal weblog. I'm an Internet Business Analyst living and working in Southwestern, CT. When not at my full time job I also do some 
